


Talking To The Moon

by ashleeforreal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depressing, KageHina - Freeform, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 13:55:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5293673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleeforreal/pseuds/ashleeforreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the song Talking To The Moon by Bruno Mars. Kageyama promised Hinata they'd be together forever. But how will Hinata deal with forever ending much faster than expected?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talking To The Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling pretty bad so I wrote something pretty bad. This is hella depressing and I cried a lot while writing it. Sorry for any broken kokoros.

 

Hinata stared at the empty bed, and the memories came flooding back: The memories of laying in it laughing, getting tangled up in them between strong arms and a chuckle much deeper than his own. The times that same voice had whispered sweet nothings into his ear as passion took over their bodies, and you could hardly tell where one of them ended and the other began. Blinking his eyes open only to see eyes the color of a stormy ocean staring back at him, with a soft smile and a hand pushing the hair back from Hinata’s face.

 

Hinata turned, now trying to think of anything but the bed. Now he looked to the door of the bathroom, and the little chips in the paint. He recalled the way one of those had appeared, by his own clumsiness. He had gotten out of the shower and, as he had done for the first few months they had lived in that apartment, walked straight to the bedroom without drying off. His boyfriend always warned him not to do that, said he would hurt himself. Yet, not once did Hinata listen, instead, as he walked back into the bathroom to grab a towel to dry his hair, he slipped, and with nothing to grab, his arms flailed. When his hand hit the door, his nails had caught a chip in the paint and ripped off a big flake of it. He’d thought for sure he had busted his head open, had heard the loud _thump_ as his head hit the ground with deafening clarity. Then Shoyo had heard the sound of pounding footsteps, and even with his eyes closed, he could feel the words Kageyama was about to say: I told you so.

 

But those were not the words he heard as his head was cradled by careful hands and caressed the sides of his face. He heard many unexpected things that day.

 

“Dumbass, open your eyes, dammit!”

 

“Shoyo, look at me. Let me know you’re okay.”

 

“I _fucking love you, dammit, look at me. Wake the fuck up, you can’t leave me, ever!_ ”

 

So Hinata had blinked awake, staring at his boyfriend in shock, before groaning in pain at the way the lights hit his eyes. That was the first time Kageyama had said those three special words, with Hinata naked and looking like a complete idiot on the bathroom floor. He dried off before he even left the shower from then on out.

 

Hinata felt tears pricking his eyes as he moved out of the bedroom, heading for his kitchen, thinking a drink could fix this. But looking in the kitchen was like another stab to the heart: the images of his Tobio laughing as Hinata burned dinner for the millionth time, Tobio cooking pancakes for him in nothing but his boxers, Tobio lifting Hinata onto the island so he could kiss him without bending down so far.

 

So Shoyo ran to the living room, but instead felt the dam break, thick tears streaming down his face as the worst memories possible came back. The awkward way he had stuttered out that, “I-I think I would like it if you never left, too. Um, I mean, what you said when I slipped and fell,” he had glanced up to look at Tobio, regretting it when he saw his boyfriend’s wide eyes and the expectant air around him. “I th-think I, uh, loveyoutoo.”

 

Kageyama tackling him back onto the couch, eyes full of joy, but no space for a smile between their lips. Though he had certainly grinned later when he whispered those same words over and over again that night.

 

Then there were all those times playing video games, trying to push each other over as they played Mario Kart. The times they had both ended up in the floor studying for their college classes. The playful chases, tickle fights, and wrestling that could either lead to cuddling or deep kisses and gasping breaths.

 

Kageyama was everywhere, in the unmade bed, in the shower that still held the shampoo he had just used yesterday, in the doorway where he had just shoved on his boots and headed out for classes the day before, giving Hinata a kiss in the cheek and a “Love you, see you later,” as he walked out.

 

Hinata didn’t think Kageyama would lie, not to him. Why would he lie? So Hinata asked himself that, screamed it.

 

“Where are you?!” he screamed, ripping the sheets back off the bed they had made love in countless times.

 

“You said you would see me later, didn’t you?!” he shouted, knocking all the half-used shampoo bottles off the shelf, the toothbrushes off the sink, and pulling the toilet paper across the room, all the way back into the bedroom. He shoved all the folded laundry off the dresser, knocked off the alarm clock and lamps from the bedstand.

 

“I know you hate a mess! Come out, call me a dumbass! I don’t care anymore!” he yelled, running back into the living room. “Where are you, Tobio!” Hinata pushed the TV in the floor, ripped the cushions off the couch, knocked over half the furniture.

 

He ran into the kitchen, still yelling at the top of his lungs. Fuck the neighbors, fuck the world, fuck everything. “Tobio, why would you fucking lie?!” he screamed, voice cracking near the end. He pushed everything off the counters, pulled out every single thing in the fridge, emptied all the cabinets.

 

“ _YOU SAID WE WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER! YOU PROMISED ME, TOBIO! YOU FUCKING PROMISED ME!_ ”

 

Hinata collapsed in the kitchen floor, sobbing and curling up in a ball. He whispered the words, but it still sounded like a shout to him.

 

“Why’d you have to die?”

~*~

A month later, Hinata had woken up in Nishinoya’s guest bedroom to a call from his old landlord, demanding he come and clean out the apartment. So, he had dragged himself out of bed, and threw on the first set of clothes he saw, and headed back to the apartment. Of course, he had cleaned up the huge disaster he had caused the day after his boyfriend’s death, but it was still somewhat of a mess.

 

He had first packed the kitchen, then the living room, then the bathroom, purposely leaving the bedroom for last. That was where the most Kageyama was, in the bed, the dresser, the left side bedstand.

 

So, when he eventually made it to these parts, it was easy to guess that things were hard for him. He still woke up in the middle of the night screaming because Tobio was no longer there to hold him, waking Nishinoya and driving him and Asahi mad with worry.

 

Hinata would sometimes (most of the time) find himself trying to not sleep at all, staring out the window beside the bed at the moon, somehow finding the smallest bit of comfort in it. Tobio had always called him his Sun, so that meant he was the Moon, right?

 

And sometimes Hinata could convince himself that that was the truth. He would tell everything to the Moon. How much Hinata missed him. How much it hurt. How much he wanted to see Tobio again, Tobio, please, come back. You promised.

 

But reality hit Hinata square in the face as he cleaned out Tobio’s clothes, put his shoes in boxes, bagged up his watches and varsity rings. However, nothing could have prepared Hinata for what he found in the night stand. Under the obvious objects – rainy day money, lube, a flashlight, and his reading glasses – there was a little box covered in red velvet. Hinata knew he shouldn’t have opened it, should have shoved it in the bag to be sent home to Tobio’s family without knowing, but he didn’t.

 

Instead, he opened it to find two little silver bands nestled into more velvet, one small diamond inlaid in the band on each. Upon looking on the inner rim of the band, he dropped the rings and the box at the message on the inside.

 

_Together, now and always._

 

Hinata was sent reeling, looking for anything to hold on to, but finding that everything was still covered in Tobio, too scary to touch. Tobio wasn’t here anymore, he was never coming back. Hinata wouldn’t see him later, he wouldn’t kiss him, he wouldn’t ever wear matching rings or walk down the aisle or dance with him or have kids or buy a house or grow old together.

 

It was too much. Too much.

 

Hinata found himself stumbling back into the old kitchen of the apartment, ripping open cabinets until he found the bottles he was looking for. Upon seeing the old antidepressants Tobio had used to take when they first moved in together, he saw there was about half a bottle left, and he hoped it would be enough.

 

He tilted the bottle back and swallowed all but three in one go, and after dropping the bottle, he felt surpisingly calm. He walked back into the bedroom, and dropped down next to the bed, leaning against it as his vision started to blur. He picked up the rings, and fumbled to put his on his ring finger, holding it up to the light coming through the window and smiling blearily at the way the small diamond glittered in the late afternoon light.

 

“Forever and always, Tobio.” Hinata whispered, falling to the side as he started to lose consciousness. His eyes refused to open, but all he could see behind his eyelids were soft blue eyes smiling back at him.

 

“Forever and always.”


End file.
